You guys have no idea how I feel right now. I don't even know exactly how I feel right now!!!
I feel sort of alone, and I know that maybe I'm PMS-ing or whatever, but this is making me feel a bit sad right now.
Today, went out to Fountain Park in Edinburgh to do bowling. Didnt get to play cause no socks, so I played pool instead with not-so-close friends. She paid for one game, and M paid for another game. I wanted to pay back, but she said its okay, so I let it go.
But I felt the excitement coming out of me slowly, cause they didn't seem that syok to be playing with me. I was having fun at first, but then well....they kinda ignored me. I guess people only notice you when you are like good at a game or something. I'm not really good at anything, I suppose. U ask me to think now, of something I'm good at, and I'll be like:"hmmm....Can't think!!" That's how not good at something i am!!
I know I have some good points, but in this world, who seems to looks at the inwards unless if they're your close friends? How hard it is to find someone like that! The first thing people look at is your outward appearance. Like today, went bowling then went to a pub for a drink. Now my tummy feels weird. hhaa. It's like you just gotta stand out, or people won't even notice you. For some people, it comes so easy. It's like they're born with it or something. For some, not so. Some people try and try but maybe cause they don't have a striking personality or they're not charming or handsome or pretty enough, people still ignore them. That's the ugly and sad truth about the world we're living in. Life's unfair, no matter how we think about it. And you can shout and cry all you want, complain all you will. But nothing can change a fact. And all you gotta do is learn how to use what you got and make the best of what you got. Life's really too short to be thinking about pleasing everyone. If you can't mix with someone, or a certain group of people, eve if you do like them and of course wish that they like you back, don't force it. You can't force someone to like you for you. You can only accept love from someone who sees you, like REALLY sees you, and let yourself be loved. Sometimes it's hard yes, because of peer pressure and everything, but you gotta learn one BIG IMPORTANT THING: You're not living life for those people, who in the end, are not being with you for you, but rather being with you because you're valuable to them, or that they need something from you, or because u r a stepping stone to something bigger in their lives. You're living life for yourself, and for what God has planned and prepared for you.
There's much more I feel, but I can't really think right now, so I'll sign off first. Sorry if you felt it was depressing or boring. I already told u in the beginning! May's really blessed to have MM in her life cause she can talk to her and she understands, like REALLY understands. So she feels slightly better. This is how it's like living alone without your family, and you will need to learn to be independent, deal with ur emotions, and learn to be happy. life's mu